The End of a 2 Weeks Saga...

This is suppose to be the continuance from the last posting I posted on the October 15...I took me nearly 2 weeks to post the second parts, as confusion is still filling in my mind...the saga had just ended, since she had just went back to her university about 2 hours ago...however, one thing for sure is, the relationship between us is still in the mist...

Just after my last posting, explaining about my feeling last 2 weeks, one of my friends, which is also my colleague told me that he was not happy with the way she treated me...as he can felt that the same way as I did...He was trying to force me into saying my intention during breakfast with others, but sensing my weird behaviour, he can felt the same way as I did...Later, he told me about his opinion regarding my trouble...from his point of view, the girl that I liked seemed to have more interest towards my other colleague (surprisingly, the one who told her that I had feeling towards her), and the colleague had the same feeling towards her..So, his suggestion was, either I ask the girl directly for an answer, or just give up before I got hurt even worse when I knew the truth..

I had been bothering with such suggestion in the first place...I had the intention to put aside this relationship, since I can sense that it was not going my way...So, why say on to get get hurt..

However, the strange thing is, what I think is completely different from what I do...Though I said that I should give up, I still did those unexplainable thing for her; getting her the cd she wanted, searching for movie she wish to watch, accompanying her for lunch, and to the further extend of travelling to Muar just to get her otak-otak after promising her that I will do so...What will makes a person to do such a crazy act??

Which at last strengthen the myth, "Love is Blind"......most probably love had made me blind in all this aspect...What I did, even though from other point of view is crazy, not worth it, etc.., is important to me, as I really wish to see her happy...

I do know the fact that I might be hurt in the end, if what my friend said was proven to be truth..But sometimes, people might did sometimes, even though they knew that by doing so, they will gt hurt...It is like what other said, "the moth will fly near to the burning candle, even though it might get burned.." Well, I guess that what most of the people felt when they really like somebody...

So, in the end, the decision I had made was to give me another chance to see how thing will developed between she and me, when she comes back in 3 weeks time....If things don't really turn out my way, then I guess the path the lies in front of me will be quite clear...I won't be blaming her if such thing happened, as the is no right or wrong in love...

Wish her all the best in her final next week....

Unexplainable Feelings Nowdays

For the past 2 months, lots of things had gone around me, which makes me a bit weird in my feeling....It is really funny for me to say such words, but I just felt that I am not the person I used to be compared to the past.....

It all changed on the 22 of September, when I finally plucked my courage to told her about my feeling. Well, it was not really a surprising thing, for both of us, since before hand, she had already know about my feeling towards her. Reasons?? One of my colleagues had told her about that. However, I finally let her know my feeling towrads her with my own voice on the very special day. The answer I got, wwas only 4 words, "shun qi zhi ran". In other words, let it be natural....I related this answer to my friends, and he encourage me to go ahead with my courting, since it was a good sign when a girl reply in such a way...

However, the funny things that I felt was rather unexplainable.. Comparing with my other colleagues, she seems to be more happy when with them, more things to talk, willing to get close to them, rather than me....Often, I was the one who messaged her, comparing to the fact that she used to message my other colleague...I am getting confuse with the way she reacted to me.. Was she trying to hint to me that I should give up? Or is it just normal for a girl to treat a guy which had already confess to her in such a manner...?? I don't really know..

One thing that I know is, I really care about her, and willing to go miles just to help her whenever she was in need..Knowing that she need informations for her assignment, I was willing to help her to look for it...She is not happy with her test results, and I am there to confort her..Found out that her battery for her cellphone is not in the good condition, I bought her one and gave it to her...She ask for my help to seacrh for a CD, and I skipped my lunch to help her to look for it.....Sound crazy??

However, the feeling is still in my heart about the way she treated me...Am I too sensitive?? Or shall I just need a direct answer from her...?? Perhaps I should give up on this relationship....Getting more and more confuse now..

I really need some guidance....If there is a light to show me the path I should take, please show it to me....

Shall We Dance??

I was watching a Premier League Game last night (Liverpool vs West Ham United) before I decided to on-line, due to the fact that it was not really an enjoyable games as I had predicted in the beginning....My target was of course, the game between Manchester United and Watford, which was 2 hours behind....

Then out of the sudden, my brother too got bored with the game and he started to flipped the channel to search for a better show....And he happened to found the show "Shall We Dance", starred Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez....Guess what?? I quickly stop whatever I was doing then to watch the movie. It was already half way through the movie, but it doesn't matter to me at all...

There are several reasons why this movie had really caught my heart, and why it still gained my attention after 1 year it was aired...Well, it was the first movie I ever watched when I went for my first date with my ex...So, remembering back, it was sure a memory that I cherished that time...

However, that's not all the reason for it...What I liked the most in the movie was it shown us that there is still another life in us, despite doing the job that we had been doing all this well....So, from here, we should also remember that working is not the only thing that we need to have in our life...There is always something else in our life that we should cherish, because if we did not, we might got regret as our age grow...

Some point to think about:
"..It took John Clark (Character lead by Richard Gere) 20 years to realise that besides his job, there is other thing that can makes his life more wonderfull, which is dancing... I wonder how long will I take to realise that..."

Stranger Talks....

I always believe that in our life, friends have always been a necessity. We can have many friends in our life. However, to have friends who we can trust, who are willing to listen to our conversation, share our pains and sorrow, and to rejoice with our success, it is far more difficult. In fact, some of us didn't manage to get even one friends who had such a quality....

So, many people ended up not able to tell others what is in their mind. How sad such a situation is.....But I do find that there is a better way to open up our view, even if we didn't have any good friends which had the quality I mentioned just now...Just talk to a stranger....not a total stranger, but someone which we knew them in person, but not really that close to us, in the sense that their appearence didn't much affect our daily life....

For the past few days, I had been spending my time, talking my company's canteen's owner...She is a very happy go lucky lady, and sure is a freindly person...I get along well with her due to her friendly approach all the time...When I talked to her, I had a feeling of closeness, which makes me able to split out whatever I had in my mind, including my thinking, my love life, my philosphy of life, my ambition and goal, my family matter, etc....

So, at least when I told her about that, there is a feeling of relieved from my heart...it is not due to the fact that I got some positive feedback from here, but is rather that I had a channel where I can able to voice out what I had in my mind....

Hmm.....I kind of remember the show "Forrest Gump", because I had the sense that I share the same experience as him...

Some Story About Love

Love.....this is not a topic of my speciality, since I always end up as a failure when it comes to my love life...Sometimes, I would wonder whether I would end up having my beloved by my side, or ended up alone, with my ambition to serve the community in a better way...I guess only time will tell...

Throughout my whole life, I had only express my feeling to 3 girls which I met in my life. The first one way a total disaster, which makes me didn't even want to think about it at all....After all, is a story 5 years ago, which now doesn't contribute any effects in my life...

The second girl I confessed was my ex...Well, we did got together, though in a period of less than 1 month...the reason for us to break up, well... we are not suitable for each other...however, I did learn a lot of things from this relationship. At least I do have the feeling of how to care, love, and understand the person that you in love with...And the most important thing is, all the things that I had done when courting a girl, something a guy should know when dealing with a relationship...in short, the needs of making them happy..

The third girl was actually my best friends..there is no courtship in the first place, as she and I had already so close to each other...and it ended as a wrong expression of feeling, as it didn't seems to last long....and the words of 'was' appeared, is due to the fact that my feeling towards her (as my best friend) began to slide away, after my visit to KL last month..My idea of both of us being friends is getting thinner and thinner...not because of distance, or lack of contact, but the way her attitude change, and the way she talked and jugded my life style....

Now....i still don't know whether to begin my next relationship with this, yet another wonderful (from my point of view) girl...She is my junior, in fact my direct hometown junior...We first met when she was having her practical training in my company in May..Well, I can say that it was a some kind of love at first side, as the moment I met her, it was some sort of extraction from her that made me unable to take my eyes away from her...

I don't really understand her well, as the time we had were rather short, and rarely went out for any "yam cha"... But from what I know about her, since the day I knew her are she is a very independent girl...when she was having a training in my company, she still did a part time job as a server in a coffee house, which explains why we seldom got her out for tea...she doesn't want to depend on her family all the time...

She is a girl who put her family in place first...love to stick with her family...A rather cute girl with funny, yet cute taste in her liking in terms of food selection and presents... Sometimes quite naughty, to the certain extend of teasing people up and down through SMSes... That's some of her more appealing characteristic that I can named here...

So, the next steps I planned to do is to keep the relationship going on, till the right time before I confess to her my feeling towards her....However, judging from the SMSes that I had sent to her all this while, she should had knew my intention....What's makes me ponder is why she didn't give any signal to whether I should proceed or put a stop on my effort....Or, she did give me the signal, but I am too stupid enough to catch it...

Whatever the thing is, I do really hope that I would have the courage this time to do the thing which I need to do...If not, I would regret next time, should I didn't make any effort at all....

And I began to understand why people always said, "When the person you love is happy, you might not be happy, but if the person you love is sad, you might be 100 or 1000 times more unhappy than he/she"

Playing a Cupid's Life

I guess that most of the people in this world should understand what a Cupid means. However, how the story originated, is beyond my knowledge. Perhaps, that's what happened to most people who does not read any other things except for their text books. Nonetheless, the figure of a Cupid does remains strong in my mind, in the sense that he/she (I doesn't really know about this God sexuality) helps to match up people who is loving each other. How noble such an act were.

In the Toasim point of view, this task was passed to a God by the name of "Yue Lao", where this God will went down to earth, then tie an invisible red string on the leg of men and women. Whoever legs were connected with a same red string, then that man and woman will ended up as husband and wife. And if a green string were used, then the couple will break off, or divorce if they were married. That's how ancient beliefs that had been brought down to us, and to make us believe that all relationship were match by the one we called God. Or put it a simple meaning, fate.

How true is that? Half, I should say. Is true that some people believe that fate will bring their life partner to them. However, if we didn't appreciate it when the fate arrive, it equals to zero.

Just today, I came acrossed my colleague who had a feeling towards my junior. I can't help but to give him all the advises, encouragements, and some of the things that he need to do to catch the girl heart. Sound like I am playing a role as a Cupid. Well, that's the thing I can do. Whether he took the advises that I gave him is beyond my control. Or perhaps the plan got backfired if he did follows my advises. Whatever happened, only Heaven will know.

Then, something which is quite weird does arose from my inner sense after I told him of my idea how to win the girl heart. Isn't all these words had been lamented to me by my other colleague when they are trying to match me up with my junior during her training? How can I actually tell my friend what he should be doing, when I myself didn't apply such an action before. Perhaps, what I really want to see is two persons being happy together. I didn't know whether both of them will be together in the future or not. However, just as I said before, as long as both of them are happy, I am happy for them. Who's says that when you like someone, you need him/her to be with you. I believe that when you like someone, it is not necessary to be together, but to see and make them happy is the best way of describing our love to other person

Finally Back in Business

Ever wonder why wanderer had been wandering away from his blog?? Well, just to declare here that I am back in the show business now, which what I am currently doing now.... (typing article for my blog)....

For the last month, lots of events had happened to myself. And most of the events had makes me understand myself more, and some does changes my life as well. I began to understand why my friends used to called me a pessimistic person, because I used to look down on myself. My colleagues had noticed this behaviour in myself, because I always said something bad about myself whenever they asked me to go after my juniour who currently underwent training in my company now (note: I admit that I had a little crush on her as well). This attitude actually made me unable perform my duty to the best effort, because I doubted on my ability. Which is why I something got shooting from other people.

Or, put it into another word.....I do not have self confident in myself. I compared with people, saying how good looking they are, good in socializing and good in sports. I know that is not a wise idea to compare among people, but this is what the society is doing...like to compare with other people around them about this and that. My friend told me that very human, who live in this world had his/her motives. Is what he is telling me is true? I had to put it on a reasonably doubt status.

So, I do hope that I can build my self-confident level from today onwards. I wonder whether I can make it or not....it seems like a high mountain to climb. But one thing for sure, even though if in the future, I do really gain back my self confident, I will still regret in my life, because I had missed out a lot of things, which I can able to own it before, but lost it due to my lack of slef-confident....